Elsali CBT https://elsalicbt.co.uk/ Talking Therapy Service Fri, 12 May 2023 17:02:54 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 https://elsalicbt.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Elsali-GOLD-LOGO-favicon-150x150.jpg Elsali CBT https://elsalicbt.co.uk/ 32 32 “Don’t Judge Me”: What you should know about social anxiety. https://elsalicbt.co.uk/elsali-insites-what-you-should-know-about-social-anxiety/ Mon, 03 Apr 2023 04:50:43 +0000 https://elsalicbt.co.uk/?p=2832 Elsali Insites “Don’t Judge Me”: What you should know about Social Anxiety Not sure whether you have social anxiety? Or just interested to know more about what it is. Well you are at the right place. Here we break down social anxiety and get rid of some of the myths about it, to help you […]

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"Don't Judge Me": What you should know about Social Anxiety

Not sure whether you have social anxiety? Or just interested to know more about what it is. Well you are at the right place. Here we break down social anxiety and get rid of some of the myths about it, to help you feel more informed.

What is Social Anxiety?

You may have heard a lot about social anxiety through social media, friends, neighbours or google. It is a very common mental health concern affecting around 12% of the UK population.

Social anxiety can feel overwhelming and distressing, and can often be confused with shyness. It is not simply shyness or nervousness, but rather a persistent fear and avoidance of social situations. While shyness and social anxiety can share some similarities, social anxiety is a diagnosable mental health condition that involves more intense and pervasive anxiety in social situations and limits quality of life. Someone who is shy can often still engage when uncomfortable but someone with social anxiety would find this very difficult.

The key cause of anxiety here is feeling like you are being judged or evaluated negatively by others. This could be worrying about saying or doing something embarrassing, fear of public speaking, eating in front of others or fear of authority figures. It can even mean worrying that others can see how anxious you are, (for example thinking they might see you sweating or turning red). Of course having these fears in the first place leads to being fidgety, not present, reduced eye contact with others or even avoiding social situations completely. 

 

People with social anxiety have a tendency to interpret social situations in a negative or overly critical way, which can reinforce their anxiety.

What are the symptoms of Social Anxiety?

Here is an example of a CBT cycle showing the thought process of someone with social anxiety, then physical symptoms experienced, the unhelpful behaviours they followed and the emotional impact this had.

Social anxiety can lead to physical symptoms such as sweating, shaking, blushing, or feeling nauseous or dizzy. These symptoms can be uncomfortable and make it difficult to focus or participate in social situations.

 

It can be triggered by a variety of situations, including public speaking, meeting new people, attending parties or social gatherings, or even everyday interactions such as ordering food at a restaurant or making small talk with a coworker.

Where does it come from?

Roughly a third of all social anxiety disorder cases are thought to be genetic.

 

Some research has found imbalances in certain brain chemicals, such as serotonin and dopamine, which are involved in mood regulation.

 

Negative experiences in childhood or adolescence, such as bullying or rejection, may increase the risk of developing social anxiety later in life.

 

Social anxiety may be learned through observation or personal experience. For example, if a person has a negative experience in a social situation, they may become more anxious about similar situations in the future.

 

Factors such as a stressful or traumatic life event, a difficult upbringing, or a lack of social support may contribute to the development of social anxiety.

5 Myths about Social Anxiety

  1. Social anxiety is just shyness: While shyness and social anxiety can share some similarities, social anxiety is a diagnosable mental health condition that involves more intense and pervasive anxiety in social situations.

2. People with social anxiety are just being difficult: Social anxiety is a real and sometimes debilitating condition that can affect people’s daily lives in significant ways. It is not a choice or a behavior that people can simply “snap out of.”

3. Social anxiety only affects socially awkward or introverted people: Social anxiety can affect people of all personality types, including those who are outgoing and confident in other areas of their lives.

4. People with social anxiety always want to be alone: While some people with social anxiety may prefer to avoid social situations, many others crave social interaction but feel too anxious to pursue it.

5. Medication is the only effective treatment for social anxiety: While medication can be helpful for some people with social anxiety, psychotherapy, particularly cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), is considered the most effective treatment for social anxiety disorder.

The true impact of social anxiety

Social anxiety can make it difficult to form and maintain relationships, both personal and professional. There can be avoidance of social situations, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

 

People may engage in safety behaviours, such as avoiding eye contact, rehearsing conversations in advance, or bringing a friend or family member to social events. While these behaviours may provide temporary relief, they can also reinforce the anxiety and make it harder to overcome. The brain is learning that the person can’t cope without these behaviours.

 

The symptoms can be exhausting, both mentally and physically. People with social anxiety tend to spend a lot of time and energy worrying about upcoming social events or replaying past interactions in their mind.

 

It can impact many areas of life, including work, school, and personal relationships. Of course it would be difficult to pursue career goals or participate in social activities when anxiety is a constant presence.

 

It’s important to note that social anxiety is a complex condition and different people may have different contributing factors that lead to their symptoms. Additionally, some people may experience social anxiety without any clear contributing factors. A mental health professional can help to identify and address the underlying causes of your symptoms and develop a personalised treatment plan.

How can CBT help with Social Anxiety?

In CBT for social anxiety, the therapist works with the individual to identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about social situations. The goal is to develop more realistic and positive thoughts, which can reduce anxiety.

Exposure therapy is a key component of treatment. This involves gradually exposing the person to feared social situations in a safe and controlled way, to help them learn to manage their anxiety.

CBT also includes skills training, such as assertiveness training and social skills training, to help the person feel more confident in social situations.

Medication, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), may be helpful for some people. However, medication is typically used in conjunction with psychotherapy.

 

With talking therapy, most people with social anxiety can learn to manage their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives. CBT is a highly effective treatment for social anxiety, and can help people develop the skills they need to feel more comfortable in social situations.

Did you know social anxiety can develop from 13 years of age?

If you think your teen may have social anxiety, then why not book an assessment with a CBT therapist today.
Click Here

Why struggle with this when starting CBT could be as easy as 1, 2 ,3:


  1. Find a therapist accredited with the BABCP and book your assessment. It would be a pleasure to work with you at Elsali CBT, but our main concern is that you get access to support from any accredited professional.
  2. Make a clear plan with your therapist. What do you want to be better? How would that change your life?
  3. Start tailored treatment sessions.
 If you like, you can use our easy appointment booking system to book an online or face to face appointment.

Conclusion

Social anxiety is one of the most common mental health concerns, but with treatment most sufferers can learn to manage their symptoms. CBT is considered the most effective treatment for Social Anxiety and you can start treatment very soon.

 

 

Want to know what its really like to have CBT for Social Anxiety? Check out Talks with Ty “CBT: The Mindset Shift”. Ty breaks down her own experiences with CBT, and has lots of other supportive blogs on the topic. You can also click here to see what Abdi had to say about having social anxiety treatment from a BABCP accredited therapist.

Thanks for reading,

Be kind to yourself.

Elsali CBT.
Picture of Sandra Brown
Sandra Brown

I am a BABCP Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist with 7 years of experience helping others to overcome their common mental health concerns. My main goal is to teach you how to become your own therapist so that you can live the life you want to. But enough about me, come and tell me about you.

The post “Don’t Judge Me”: What you should know about social anxiety. appeared first on Elsali CBT.

]]> Unseen Grief: The Impact of Pregnancy Loss on the Whole Family https://elsalicbt.co.uk/unseen-grief-the-impact-of-pregnancy-loss-on-the-whole-family/ Tue, 28 Mar 2023 00:32:09 +0000 https://elsalicbt.co.uk/?p=1978 Elsali Insites Perhaps one of the biggest difficulties with pregnancy loss is that it is unlike any other loss experienced. Sometimes the only people who know about the pregnancy, other than parents, are very close family members. How does the family experience a loss like this? Unfortunately, well intentioned people can say or do some […]

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Books for families who have had a pregnancy loss

Perhaps one of the biggest difficulties with pregnancy loss is that it is unlike any other loss experienced. Sometimes the only people who know about the pregnancy, other than parents, are very close family members. How does the family experience a loss like this? Unfortunately, well intentioned people can say or do some very unhelpful things at this time. If you know someone who is going through or has gone through this experience, then understanding what’s happening for this family can be difficult. Here is a bit of insight so you can feel more informed and perhaps more helpful.

Unseen Grief: The Impact of Pregnancy Loss on the Whole Family

Pregnancy loss is a particularly difficult type of grief for so many reasons. Those who have never experienced this kind of grief can sometimes find it difficult to understand. For those who experience this type of loss it feels as real, as intense and as deeply upsetting as any other loss of a close family member. There are memories, lost dreams and future plans that are difficult to cope with. Then there is an added realisation of experiencing the reality of this soul and yet never being able to meet them, to know who they are, what they like, or how they love.

Pregnancy loss can cause intense grief and emotional distress for all members of the family, regardless of their age or relationship to the pregnancy. The loss can bring feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and despair that may persist long after the pregnancy loss occurred. Parents have unhelpful phrases thrown at them, such as ‘This happens in 1 in 3 pregnancies’ or ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ or even ‘don’t worry you will have another’. These phrases from well intended friends or family do nothing to help them feel any better about their loss. It may be more validating for the family and others to think of it as the death of their baby, rather than the loss of a pregnancy.

The grief of losing a pregnancy can significantly disrupt the family dynamic. Siblings may feel left out, ignored or helpless whilst parents are grieving, and even grandparents can struggle to find their role in supporting their children and grandchildren. Parents may experience changes in their relationship or their roles as caregivers. It is incredibly difficult to look after others when you are struggling with grief.

Impact on Parents

Mothers may be struggling to make sense of the loss. Losing a sense of self, a sense of control over her body, a feeling that her body has let her down, or feeling that she could have done something differently to change the outcome. Revisiting this experience each time she changes her clothes, sees someone who asks about the pregnancy or has a period again. Feeling like she has let the whole family down in someway and that nobody around her quite understands what she is going through.

Fathers may be struggling to make sense of the loss. Wondering if this is somehow his fault or if he could have done something differently. Trying to work out how to be there for his partner, and how to support her through this. Minimising his own feelings or feeling selfish for grieving. 

After a pregnancy loss, guilt, anxiety, low mood, and sadness are normal. However, If you feel you are really struggling with this, then CBT may be able to help.

For example, your therapist can help you look at unwanted thoughts that may be making the grieving process more difficult, and help you think about ways to create a space for the memory of your baby. You can book an assessment with us or contact one of the helpful support services below.
Book an assessment

Pregnancy loss can also bring heavy financial impact whether or not parents were seeking fertility treatment and support. For example, there will likely be some time off work to process the most difficult stages of grief. There will be changes to future plans and hesitancy about trying to conceive again. It can be lonely and isolating for all involved.

Impact on Children

Children are often less talked about regarding pregnancy loss, but for many families there will be siblings who were looking forward to meeting a new member of the family. It can be difficult to explain the situation to small children especially when struggling to process it yourself.  

Children are very perceptive and tuned into their emotional environment. They pick up on “vibes”, even if you are careful to keep things from them. So when parents feel ready, they will probably want to talk to children about what’s happened.

6 ways to help parents grieving pregnancy loss

  1. Listen and validate their feelings:

Believe it or not, some people are still made to feel like their grief is not valid after a pregnancy loss. No matter how long they were pregnant, whether they knew about the pregnancy or didn’t know until the loss, it is all 100% valid. It’s essential to let the couple or parent express their emotions, fears, and concerns without judgment. Let them know that it’s okay to grieve and that you are there to support them. All their feelings are completely valid. This is a chance for you to understand their loss from their perspective.

2. Offer practical support: 

 

This is especially helpful if you are close to the family.  Offer to help with tasks such as cooking, cleaning, running errands, or taking care of their children or pets. These are not small gestures, and they can make a big difference in  alleviating some of their stress. Having even one less thing to do right now would probably be greatly appreciated.

3. Check-in regularly: 

 

Keep in touch with them regularly, even if it’s just a quick text or phone call to let them know you’re thinking of them. Let them know that you’re available to talk if they need someone to listen. This can be a very isolating experience. Sometimes friends or family feel like they are getting in the way or that they should give parents space. Even if you don’t know what to say, you should let your presence be known.

4. For very close family and friends: I will share something that therapists don’t usually share! 

 

One of the most helpful things for me after my pregnancy loss, was that my mother offered to share our sad news for us. Not having to make those phone calls was exactly what we needed. I couldn’t imagine having to repeat that over and over and I know my mum found it very difficult, but at that time, it would have been soul destroying for me. If you are a close family member or very close friend, then you could offer to take the weight of sharing the sad news. This one can be tricky so its best not to offer if you are not very close to the family. 

5. Respect their privacy:

 

It’s so important to respect the person’s privacy and not share their news with others unless they give you clear permission. Everyone processes grief differently, and some may not feel comfortable discussing it with others. Even if you have permission, make sure you are clear on what they are comfortable sharing and with who. They might not want to bump into someone they haven’t seen for years and be asked about this very private experience. Or worse, have someone they barely know contact them on social media to ask about how they are.

6. Offer resources:

 

You can suggest support groups, therapists, or other resources that may be helpful for them during their grieving process. But remember that it’s ultimately their decision on whether or not they want to seek additional support.

Remember that everyone’s experience with pregnancy loss is unique, and there is no “right” way to handle it. Your support and empathy can make a significant impact on their healing journey.

Helpful resources

You can suggest helpful resources for the family. There are some very good books and resources that help parents to explain pregnancy loss to children. For example our featured image has two such books, ‘We had to say goodbye before we even met…’ by Irene Teague and ‘Something happened…’ by Cathy Blanford.

 

Other helpful resources include:

 

The Miscarriage Association

This organisation has lots of helpful support and advice online, support groups, and a support line. They also offer advice on how to help someone who has experienced pregnancy loss.

 

SANDS

This organisation offers support to anyone affected by the death of a baby, before, during or after birth. They have some incredibly helpful tools for families including siblings, as well as online meeting spaces for bereaved families.

In Conclusion

Pregnancy loss is a unique grieving experience that is just as heart breaking as any other. It affects whole families, not just parents. It is important to remember that sometimes younger family members can really struggle with this experience also. If you want to be helpful, the best thing you can do is listen without judgement, validate parental grief and ask how you can be helpful to the family.

If you know someone who is experiencing pregnancy loss, then I am very sorry that this happened to your loved one. This topic is particularly close to my heart for many reasons and I do hope that you have found this information useful.

 

Be kind to yourself, and others.

 

Elsali CBT

Picture of I am Sandra Brown
I am Sandra Brown

I am a BABCP Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist with 7 years of experience helping others to overcome their common mental health concerns. My main goal is to teach you how to become your own therapist, so that you can live the life you want to. But enough about me, come and tell me about you.

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